For Your Reading Enjoyment

While going through boxes in my room today, I came across some notebooks full of stuff I wrote, mostly last year. And since this piece amused me so much (and I have nothing else to say), I am going to share it with you.


This is your self-affirmation tape. Close your eyes and listen carefully. Breathe deeply. You are a wonderful person. You have amazing talents, not the least of which include crocheting lovely dog sweaters and reciting from memory all thirteen episodes of the cooking show "Moustaches and Motorcycles". Smile. You are a very special person. You thrive in situations which require you to breathe. You make the most of everything, from extending the live of your fried bologna sandwiches to two weeks, to building a thirty-foot high birdcage out of recycled milk cartons. Inhale the fresh air. You are a truly unique person, a gift to the world. You possess great courage, best exemplified by your ability to wear a hat with antlers to every occasion. Relax. You are a friendly person, who seeks to improve the world one step at a time, starting with scraping all the gum off the sidewalks downtown. Allow yourself to think of things that make you happy, such as plastic knitting needles and papier mache reindeer. Breathe in good spirits and become at peace with the world. You are a beautiful person. You are strong, you are smart, you are simply super. You will make a difference. You will wear your seatbelt. You will feed your dog Rufus three times today...